Friday, September 8, 2017

The Hurricane and the Trollstorm

I’m in the Cone of Doom for Hurricane Irma here in Central Florida; it’s probably about the 10th time in my life I’ve been in that range for a hurricane, and this is probably the 40th time in my life I’ve experienced the dance that goes with one of these. Such are the perils of Florida nativehood and residence. But today I want to mention another associated peril that isn’t life-threatening, although it rates as high on the Saffir-Simpson scale as Irma does. I’m talking about long-winded blowhard fundamentalist and fundamentalist-atheist trolls.

Every time we get a hurricane, you see members of this crowd show up in the comments section of news stories. On the fundamentalist side, you’ll get the loonies who say that we’re getting hit with this thing because we approved gay marriage, or because we voted for Donald Trump, or because we let the Seminole Indians open bingo parlors. On the fundy atheist side, you’ll get the crackpot troll who savages each and any expression of prayer by taking a few moments of his valuable time to copy and paste (mentally, if not actually) an extended rant about how your sky daddy isn’t going to save you from a Category 5.

These two pests are two sides of the same coin. They’re both immature trolls with a theology that wouldn’t pass muster in a pre-K setting. They also clearly need something better to do, because they’re spending too much time evangelizing for their cause, and they’re doing it in a way that’s not much different than the guy with the Chick tract whose initial friendly greeting to you is, “Hello, do you realize you’re going to hell?”

They also have this in common: They’re both too dense to see why they are trolls. The fundy thinks he’s helping save you from Satan. The fundy atheist thinks he’s helping save you from spiritual immaturity (and in some cases, from voting for Trump again in 2020). You have to ask yourself why they bother. The likely answer is that they are vultures who are far too concerned with inserting ideology into every discussion, no matter how inappropriate it may be in context. These are guys who would make tactless rats of themselves in a funeral parlor, to the point of slipping the latest Jack Chick or Dan Barker tract into the casket at the viewing, just in case.

Anyway, with the current forecast, I expect to be out of power for at least a day or two; so if you don’t hear from me next week, there’s a good reason for it.

I’m out hunting trolls.

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